This is an example of other focussed approach to resolving a relationship. If you have asked for your needs met and they are unable to do that? What happens next?

Often we continue to try to change the other in an endless loop of frustration.

Or we can alter our lives to increase space to address our own needs and find ways of being available to the other.

When we’re available to the other it is then their choice as to whether they take that opportunity or not. It is then our choice as to what to do with it.

Communication about the relationship you’re in is key. There are more options than trying to change the other person.

It takes thinking.

We might naturally do what generations have done before us, believing we are thinking. But when it’s not progressing we can look a bit deeper as to what part we might be playing.

Are we over or underfunctioning, focussing on something or someone else more than our relationship, attacking and defending or distancing?

Who in your family changed the behaviour of others to manage their own discomfort? Can we step back and allow space for another to step up more? Can we manage our emotions if they don’t? Can we be more accountable for ourselves? Can we take more time to think about how we manage when things get intense? Can we discuss openly our own reactivity and work on what we can do differently? Can we use distance to think and return back with new ideas?

No easy answers.

Just something to think about.

From the outside we can often see what other people could do to make changes in their lives. We can see how they can fix all their problems.

Sometimes the problems mirror our own.

When it comes to us taking our own advice, it’s difficult to take that first step. It’s the discomfort of doing something different that clouds our thinking and makes it hard to move forward. It’s not impossible. The longer we can stay in the discomfort and imagine what needs to be done, the more likely we’re going to be able to take that first step.

Change is not easy.

For me the place that heals me is my observer self. When I watch my mind and sit with my body, I gain an awareness of their needs and can take action to soothe them.

The place that inspires me is hanging out with likeminded friends, watching others take brave steps forward, absorbing other people’s creativity. We are energetic beings. It’s contagious. This shows me what is possible.